so i hadn't had a conversation with my mom in about a year and a half, but she sent me a text last tuesday asking me if i had been protesting [the recent grand jury decisions] and that, if so, she was proud of me, and "that cop was wrong." i thought that was nice of her so i wrote her back saying thanks.
then she texted me some anti-cop things, followed by "but i don't think it's about race."
for the past year and a half i have not engaged with my mom, because i am healing from child abuse, and because i have learned that my mom will not listen to a word i say. i know it is my responsibility as a white person to call out other white people for being racist, but what am i supposed to do after a lifetime of calling racist people out who just argue with me? i don't think i will ever talk to much the rest of her side of the family again. i just can't.
but my mom, i don't know. i guess i thought i could say something like "it's easy for white people to not believe in racism because we benefit from it" and for her to get it. i was wrong, i should have known better. she told me she doesn't believe in racism. i told her that she lives in a very racist city. it's called pittsburgh. i grew up there. the KKK burned crosses on my elementary school lawn. in 2010, i think, a black woman bought a house on her block and before she could move in her house was burned down. we probably know who did it. the cops never questioned them. my mom's dad wears a confederate flag belt buckle. he and her sisters use the N word all the time*. i said these things to her, and then she said, "i guess i see racism on the news sometimes but in my day-to-day life i never see it."
well she needs some serious vision correction. okay, i'm back to not talking to my mom again. i really tried my best, i swear. and then i decided not to take a night off from protesting that night even though i was so tired.
today i read an onion article making fun of people like my mom and it made me feel better. well, not really.http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-dont-see-race-i-only-see-grayishbrown-vaguely-hu,37667/
*she told me that she's not like her family, and i can see that she is not as racist as they are. but she's still racist. she said "if i'm racist then you would be racist too!" and she's right. i'm not as racist as my mom, but i'm racist. i have all kindsa racism in my head from the things i've been taught by my family and the world. all white people are racist.